Dating Advice: ASK DAVID & ROZ

Dear David and Roz,
"I have a girl friend who's about my age (60's). We've known each other for years. She's on her 3rd marriage. I'm divorced, married only once. I would like to get married again if I could find a nice guy. I went to visit her {she has a 2nd house in Florida} and she introduced me to a man who lives down the street, never married. We hit it off, sort of. But now that she's seen he likes me she throws every kind of monkey wrench into the situation and it becomes awkward for us to get together. It's almost like she would have liked to get credit for trying to help me find somebody but doesn't really want me to, if you know what I mean. I'm not sure myself that I know what I mean but there's something wrong here. I don't know what it is or what to do about it. As I said we're old friends (I don't mean"old"!). So what do I do? Sorry to have been so long-winded."
- LONG-WINDED

ROZ SAYS: Dear Long-Winded, First, if you like the guy don't let anything get in the way. As they say, a good man is hard to find! Secondly, if she's happily married she doesn't want him so you and she can still be friends, and once she sees your interest in him and his interest in you is real she'll get over her bitchinesses and maybe even the four of you can do things together. Eventually she'll take pride that she was responsible. The important thing here is to not let it get to you. Be like the three wise monkeys - hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil and you'll come out of this all right. Maybe better than all right. Maybe as a bride again!

DAVID SAYS: Dear Long-Winded, I have been told about these situations in every variation many times by many women over many years which gets to the roots of true friendship and the difference between men and women. The standards for my friends are quite high and we would never permit this to divide our friendship. We give true support as well as honest and direct feedback. Real men and women might say among friends that possible mates come and go but the friends stay together. I am not interested in jealousies or what motivates wrenches being thrown. Although I don't agree with it, we are living in a disposable society so throw one or the other away or place your cards on the table. Who has time for trait nonsense? Shape yourself up in terms of what your values for friendships should be and sort out your priorities. I guess this is what separates the men from the girls. You and your friend should grow up and be women.

Dear David and Roz,
"I've been married for 14 years to my present wife and although we're not officially separated we live our own lives pretty much-which is why I'm online. Sometimes I'm lonely and just want a friend to go to a movie with. Here's my problem: Suddenly my ex-wife came back into the picture calling me one day out of the blue. She saw my profile and picture online and said if I was out there looking what about her and me hooking up again? I don't know if this is a good idea because she and I broke up in the first place because she had a roving eye and I never felt I could trust her. But I still like her- a lot. I need some advice here."
- A REGULAR JOE

ROZ SAYS: Dear Regular Joe, It seems to me you're asking for trouble starting up again with your ex. Do leopards change their spots? Even though, as you say, you and your wife live your own lives pretty much, obviously there's something holding you together so there must be something good there somewhere. Maybe what you should be doing is concentrating a little more on how to get wifie dear to go to that movie with you and maybe you ought to take her dancing afterwards! Maybe you ought to shine up your romance a little and show her what an exciting guy you can be! And I'll bet you can or you wouldn't be here with us and writing this letter. As for your ex if I were in your shoes I'd say goodbye to her again and dance off with your present wife into the sunset!

DAVID SAYS: Dear Regular Joe, You seem a bit insecure or at least indecisive. Two people married under one roof, not separated but independently cruising the internet looking for what your marriage has been missing. This seems very muddled. More importantly there is a line between two people; once it is crossed no matter if it is never crossed again there is always the potential that it will be crossed again. To me without truth there can be no honesty and without honesty there can be no trust and without trust there can be no love. Life's short - move out, move on why compromise unless you have vital interdependencies which cannot be severed.