Dating Advice: ASK DAVID & ROZ
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Welcome to dating advice from David & Roz.
We've been writing this dating advice column for a while now and we're getting great feedback about how its helping people.
So keep those dating questions coming and we'll keep giving you the advice you need to succeed in love.
Who are we?
Well David is an attractive bachelor, restaurateur, active, athletic, 55 and very wise in the way of the dating world.
Roz, a widow of a certain age, a business woman, racehorse owner and breeder who is well-traveled, interested and interesting is also here to give you a hand.
Collectively we've been dating for over 100 years!
We will answer any dating question you have, so send it in.
Use the form at the bottom of the page to email us whatever you have on your mind.
So withoput further ado, here are the latest and greatest of the questions we've received.
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Dear David and Roz,
"Since my wife died six months ago I have been besieged by women. One came all the way from California, and I hardly knew her, to "comfort" me .I live in New York. I’m 62, just an ordinary guy- not bad looking, but not a movie star. I have a good business and I can afford to take some time to travel if I want to because my son works with me and can handle anything and everything when I'm away. He’s good. My problem is that I've gotten to the point where I don't enjoy anything like I should because the pressure of these women is too much. I see it coming, and I run away, and can't run fast enough.And I'm not interested. I don't want to hurt anybody, but in my head I'm still married o my wife. You understand? So, what do I do?"
- Old Blue Eyes
ROZ SAYS:
Dear Old Blue Eyes:
There must me more to you than you say if you sign yourself "Old Blue Eyes”. You probably light up the room when you walk into it, drawing the ladies like a moth to a flame! Somehow I think you secretly enjoy all the attention, although I do understand that with your wife only recently gone it’s too soon for a new relationship to blossom. I know in my case when my first husband passed on it took me two years to feel ok again, but then I got married to a most fabulous guy, and I have always carried each in their own separate place in my heart. Perhaps one day another lady will claim another piece of your heart, it just won't be the same part. Meanwhile be friendly, relax, and think serenely. And the ladies, bless them, will be there fluttering around. Let them, but give them to understand for now it’s "just friends". You’ll be fine.
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DAVID SAYS:
Dear old Blue Eyes,
There is nothing wrong with the realization that it is difficult to find enough common ground to feel relaxed around another instantaneously. In my mind this makes it important to set the expectations of the give and take equation according to your realistic expectations and limitations. This will serve as the foundation for your next long term torrid love affair or comfortable and trusting friendship. It takes natural time together and unfortunately the women on your trail feel they are running out of that most valuable commodity. Luckily you do not have the common syndrome that we see in some men – insecurity and a need for constant and uninterrupted companionship. I would advise you to remove yourself from the pressure of these women unless of course you are not being totally honest with them, yourself and us. Next determine the scope of involvement you would like to allocate to your friendships and be honest and straight forward with the ladies you are dating. If this constant pressure is best characterized as unwelcome assaults on your privacy and well being then be strong, clear and take the appropriate actions. You like to travel so why not just take off and fly to some place you have never been to before and drive into the wilderness or indulge yourself in a luxury escape where you can search for what is truly important and at your center away from the distractions of your what seems to be a hectic life style in the big city. If you find that love is the only truth you might realize that your wife would want you to find a new love for this century. You must simply take charge, communicate clearly and look deep into the well to find the stride and balance that is perfect for you. Good luck to you.
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Dear David and Roz,
"I’m a 59 year old woman, divorced 20 years ago, never remarried. I’m kind of pretty in my way and everybody always says about me that I have such a nice personality. Well, I went on a cruise and met a delightful man {I think he's about the same age, give or take a few - he wouldn't tell me. He really swept me off my feet, dancing every dance. Said he never met anybody like me and he thought he was falling in love with me! Sang in my ear! Although I'd like to believe him somehow it just seems too good to be true. You go on a cruise and meet the love of your life? It’s not supposed to happen that way. So the little thoughts creep in. Is he a gigolo like the ones I read about, who zero in on a likely target with their sweet nothings, only after her money? He hasn't said anything to be suspect but I do wear some nice jewelry so it’s obvious I'm not poor. So, I’m a little afraid. I don't Know of what, but uncomfortable. Tell me what you think I should do."
- All at Sea
ROZ SAYS:
Dear All At Sea:
You sound like a smart lady to me. I think the answer here is to go along with him. If he's an honest-to-God miracle you have defied the odds! If there is something awry you will know it. He will show himself. He’ll suddenly have lost his wallet, {small-time} or one night over dinner he’ll tell you of some terrible financial problem he has that's overwhelming him he need to get past and needs such and such to do it or all his work will have gone down the drain and its driving him to distraction and of course ruining all the future plans he had for your wonderful future together {or something like that}.As I said you'll know. You weren't born yesterday. Then it’s up to you if his companionship is worth the money to you and you're well off enough to handle it or he's for real and none of this ever comes up and the two of you get married and live happily ever after. I hope it’s the latter!
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DAVID SAYS:
Dear All at Sea,
I guess I don’t understand. You danced and spent several evenings together. I imagine the conversation was flowing as well and still you have found no reason at all to suspect this gentleman. You might ask yourself how predictable has your third eye, intuition or whatever you might call it been in serving you in the past? You seem to have no reason to doubt his integrity except it is just too good to be true. Admittedly, the truth can only be dimly seen by the intellect especially if you are emotionally caught up in euphoric turn of events in your romantic life. Still the signs should becoming apparent by the way he speaks to you, his sincerity, lack of gaps in his past life’s story that rings true are not. Since you indicated you are a woman of means you could always have him investigated but for my tastes I would only do this if I sensed a danger to my life beyond my bank account. Lighten up, keep your eyes wide open and even he if he is a gigolo so far you are loving every minute of it and hopefully not paying for it while getting the best life has to offer. You have to be vulnerable to get the highs and lows of life and the capacity to deal with both in a healthy way.
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