Dating Advice: ASK DAVID & ROZ
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Welcome to dating advice from David & Roz.
We've been writing this dating advice column for a while now and we're getting great feedback about how its helping people.
So keep those dating questions coming and we'll keep giving you the advice you need to succeed in love.
Who are we?
Well David is an attractive bachelor, restaurateur, active, athletic, 55 and very wise in the way of the dating world.
Roz, a widow of a certain age, a business woman, racehorse owner and breeder who is well-traveled, interested and interesting is also here to give you a hand.
Collectively we've been dating for over 100 years!
We will answer any dating question you have, so send it in.
Use the form at the bottom of the page to email us whatever you have on your mind.
So withoput further ado, here are the latest and greatest of the questions we've received.
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Dear David and Roz,
"I am 67 and recently met a man at a senior citizens dance. It was obvious that he was attracted to me as he asked if I would like to go to the show sometime. He said his name was in the phone book and to call him if I wanted to go out. Before I called him that next week I looked him up on the Internet to make sure he did not have any warrants or arrests. On our second meeting during our conversation I told him I wanted to be honest and told him what I had done. When I saw him the next week at the dance he wanted to go for coffee and at that time told me that his Mom was not happy about my checking him out and that his Dad told him that he would not have anything to do with a woman that did that. I still do not feel I did anything wrong as in this day and age no one can be too careful. My confusion is that this 60 yr old man is a mamma's boy. I did tell him when he told me how unhappy he was with what I did, that it really was not a problem, as I did not intend to see him again. Please give me your opinion on this."
Thank You, Rita Martin
ROZ SAYS:
Dear Rita Martin:
For a 67 year old and a 60 year old I think you are both acting like teenagers. But that's ok. Just what teenagers do. Now go back and say 'I’ve been thinking about us and I think I do want to see you again' and explain that a woman alone has to be careful these days, but don't say anything about you think he's acting like mammas boy. He will go back to his mother and father and tell them the latest developments, and so be sure to say something that can be carried back safely. The important thing here is to give this budding little romance a chance to blossom. So don't find too many faults. Go out with your new potential beau and have a good time, you two kids!
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DAVID SAYS:
Dear Rita,
It seems to me that key values here are askew. Your precautionary investigation could be taken either way but the fact that you were honest and up front with him is admirable. However, his disclosure of your action to his parents points to his limitations and should raise an eyebrow. I don’t know about a mamma’s boy but who needs a couple of back seat drivers on the road to a potential meaningful relationship. It is apparent he has lots to learn about confidence, standing on his own two feet and the importance of the foundations of intimacy. Unless you receive a great explanation or validate in other ways that he does have what it takes then you may be correct to conclude that he can not be trusted as a true friend and therefore should not be considered for anything more. Keep dancing, it is wonderful therapy and who knows whose brighter eyes and future you may be looking into soon.
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Dear David and Roz,
"I am a working stiff even though I am 'getting on' as they say. I’ll be celebrating my big 6-0 in December. I met a terrific woman who like me is divorced a while back and she and I seem to like each other. I’m thinking of asking her to marry me. What worried me is she has expensive tastes and while I I've been taking her out to nice places and have been giving her presents I can't afford to do that on a regular basis- and I have no prospects for more money. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it and we’ll both be disappointed. What do I do?"
- Anxious
ROZ SAYS:
Dear Anxious:
The only way I see out of this dilemma is to be upfront with the lady. Come right out with it when you're out having a nice dinner in some nice romantic place and tell her how much you enjoy her company and how you've been doing a lot of fancy wining and dining because you wanted to please her but that as time has gone on and you feel serious about her you have to say that your financial situation is limited and although you love to do this all the time the fact is you can't without getting into financial deep waters .Say that doesn't mean you can't have great times together but you'd have to be creative to intersperse these hot times with some more frugal but fun activities. If she's the right woman for you she'll go right along with you and say “yes, absolutely”, and the two of you can ride off into the sunset!
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DAVID SAYS:
Dear Anxious,
The importance of your contribution to maintaining a woman’s lifestyle varies with each woman’s motivations for seeking a relationship. As a man, you must be able to give her many things that are far more valuable than lifestyle perks and know that she cherishes the merits and depth of your special gifts every day. In that light, you might start doing more activities which are not predicated on having a fat wallet but on staying in a learning and nourishing environment. If she asks about your modest recommendations for activities, or insufficient spending on life style luxuries then I would have a conversation about your financial limitations. It’s guaranteed, her response will be revealing and one way or another you will know confidently if she is that “terrific woman” to build your whole world around, It’s all good to have this conversation so the pressure will be off and the real living can begin with warm words accompanied by a handful of freshly picked wild flowers and of course an unlimited pass for hugs and kisses.
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